We are living in a culture of severely under-fucked and unloved women. Women living without the ambiance of sensual love wilt and dry up like flowers, often experiencing depression, despair, and stress. And now, after being maybe too dramatic (I think it is a good reason for being dramatic personally)
If you are having a hard time experiencing pleasure and orgasms
during sex, it could be due to the following reasons:
1.
You are having sex with someone you do not
actually like or truly attracted to. There is no real interest nor passion
towards your partner. There is a chance they are a complete stranger. There is a lack of trust, vulnerability or intimacy. Your heart is closed out of
protection.
2.
The kind of sex you are having is not in
alignment with your true desires (ex. having rough sex while yearning for
sensual love-making). You are doing what you think is considered
good/trendy/cool sex.
3.
You are trying to impress your partner during
sex instead of enjoying yourself and your body. Your full concentration is on
them. (It is great to think about yourself in the bedroom)
4.
You’ve heard that many women struggle to orgasm
during sex so you assume that it's a normal thing that you do not either!!! (I
e hear that reason a lot)
5.
You do not really know what or how you like to
receive pleasure. You are impatiently waiting for your lover to figure it out
for you. (I really recommend you to read the book Orgasm Unleashed: Your guide to
pleasure)
6.
Your judge the quality of sex-based on whether
you orgasm. The main goal is to orgasm as fast as possible to appear
adequate and low-maintenance as a lover. Your inability to orgasm leads to
feelings of failure.
7.
You assume that the only way you will orgasm is
if you have an amazing tantric lover. Fake
news 😄.
8. Sex is primarily fast,
hard and aggressive. Movements feel rushed with the sole purpose of getting
yourself or your partner to orgasm. At some point, the body, especially the
genitals, begins to feel numb from over-stimulation, often requiring even
rougher movements or high-intensity sex toys.
9. The muscles in your vagina are tense and are preventing
you from orgasms. Tension and numbness in
the vagina are the body’s coping mechanisms to deal with stress. Many women
experience tension in their vaginal muscles due to rough sex, emotional stress, and blockages as well as unpleasant and painful sexual experiences and abuse.
10. Your partner’s hygiene is
not great, yet you feel too shy to ask them to shower before sex. There is a
sense of disgust or revulsion which are you trying to battle during sex. Have a
shower together before ;).
11. You feel ashamed about
your true kinks/desires thus never sharing them with your partner. You are
worried about being rejected for your “weirdness”.
12. You become frustrated,
annoyed and upset if you not feeling orgasmic. You secretly resent yourself or
your partner for this. You feel broken and ashamed.
13. There is a sense of
tension in the body during sex, especially the face, jaw, and genitals. Just relax
and feel your body, the touch, make noises.
14. Sex follows a typical
predictable “route” and barely sways off to different directions -mouth kissing
> neck kissing > breast licks > belly licking down > quick oral sex
to make it wet > rapid penetration > fake or real orgasm. Boring and predictable!
15. Primary concentration
during sex is on each other’s genitals, with an occasional stroke/lick of the
rest of the body. Penetration is considered the main form of sex. It often
happens before you are fully aroused.
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16. Unless penetration
happens, everything else is not considered “sex”.
17. You often find yourself
working hard to become aroused as fast as possible so your partner can
penetrate you. You feel ashamed for needing more time to become wet. You are
worried that foreplay feels like a chore to your partner.
18. To orgasm, you
often wander off into naughty/pornographic fantasies. There is a sense of
boredom or feeling of “not enough” with what is happening in the present moment.
19. You are not sure what your partner actually likes when it
comes to sex. In
fact, you never shared what you like with them either.
20. You are bombarded with
distracting insecure thoughts about your body, your taste/smell, and sexual
performance. You are too insecure to share this vulnerability with your
partner. You are in a constant state of fighting off these thoughts.
21. You are too insecure to
give feedback or ask for something different from your partner for fear of
hurting their feelings. You pretend that you are enjoying yourself even though
you are not.
22. You work hard at not being “high maintenance” in bed, often giving up receiving pleasure or
faking orgasms. You do not wish for your partner to “work hard”.
23. You treat your partner’s
pleasure as more important than yours. Sex is considered finished when your
partner orgasms. You either fake your orgasm or lie that you do not need it.
24. You think it is the
responsibility of your lover to turn you on and make you orgasm every time. You
are frustrated when they don’t.
25. You feel pressured to do
certain sexual acts that you do not enjoy, or which physically hurt you toin
order to please your partner. Certain sexual acts trigger you.
26. You are passive during
love-making. You feel it is your partner’s job to “do all the work”. You just
lie there wondering why you can’t orgasm.
27. You feel a time pressure
to orgasm, often reaching for the vibrator to assist you. You feel ashamed for
needing a toy in order to orgasm. It is better not to
start to use vibrators, cause it will be too hard to get orgasm during sex
after getting used to the high vibration of the vibrator.
29. While your partner seems
engulfed in their pleasure, you feel left behind, invisible and used. You do
not speak up, silently enduring your emotional or physical discomfort. You
smile and pretend that everything is ok.
30. Penetration does not feel pleasurable to you. You feel vaginal tension,
dryness, and even mild pain after 10-15 minutes. Due to prolonged frisky
penetration during partner sex, your vagina feels swollen/sore after sex.
32. You feel insecure about
the look/smell/taste of your genitals. You cannot relax during oral sex, so you
skip it altogether or pretend that you do not enjoy it.
33. You are having sex out of
relationship obligation, out of desire to appear cool or because your partner
is “hot "or because you feel like you owe it to them. You are not sure
about your true motivation for having sex.
34. You have casual sex even
though you secretly do not enjoy it. Everyone else seems to enjoy it so you are
trying to figure out how to have “sex without feelings”. You crave deeper
connection and a committed relationship yet too afraid to admit it to those you
date.
35. You suppress any ‘non-sexy
emotions” for fear of ruining the sexy mood such as feelings of tenderness,
love or even crying.
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36. You feel too shy to ask
your partner to slow down, to take a break or even let them know that you need
to pee or water. You are worried it will ruin the mood.
37. You are “performing” an
ideal image of a sexy lover in order to impress your partner instead of being
yourself (ex. acting like a horny porn star). You are not sure what a ‘true
you’ actually is. You are worried to let go and make your true sex noises or
facial expressions. You spend the entire time making “sexy moans” and “sexy
faces”.
38. You do not look at each other
in the eye during sex, keeping your eyes closed most of the time. It feels too
intimate and scary.
39. There is a lack of
intimacy/sensuality during and after sex. You crave cuddling and aftercare yet
are too shy to voice this need. There is an awkwardness between you both after
sex.
40. You are too shy to allow
your partner to see certain parts of your body thus staying half-clothed,
covering yourself with bedsheets or turning off the lights during sex. You feel
repulsed by parts of yourself and do not believe your partner when they tell
you that they find you attractive.
41. You fantasy about
someone else while having sex with your partner or you are in love with someone
else.
42. You are having sex for
purposes other than pleasure and connection – to get the job/promotion, to forget
an ex, to be considered cool, as a form of relationship manipulation.
43. Sex feels to lack in
genuine playfulness and lightheartedness. There is a serious determination to
orgasm.
44. Alcohol/drugs are a
constant presence in your love life. You are unable to relax and let go during
sober sex.
45. You are worried about
unwanted pregnancy or STD’s during lovemaking. You are too shy to ask your
partner to use a condom or show you their STD test results.
46. You are repressing your
true sexual orientation, having sex based on what your culture deems
appropriate.
47. You are obsessing over
minor things during sex such as a pimple on your butt or an ingrown hair. Your
assumption that your partner disapproves of it, won't allow you to relax into
pleasure.
48. You find yourself easily
distracted or annoyed by small things such as a wrong playlist, street or
television noise, temperature in the room, etc.
49. Your partner is using delay gel/spray, this is also affecting
you.
Great sex is MORE than orgasm and rubbing onto a naked partner’s
body. Great sex is 10% skills and 90% state of mind. Orgasmic sex involves
genuine pleasure, connection, intimacy, transcendence, compatibility, self-expression
and play. Great sex is about expressing one’s unique eroticism. Eroticism gifts
us meaning.
Conventional sex is fast-food sex. It fills up short-term cravings yet leaves you starving in the long run. Conventional sex is not a sustainable form of love-making and is one of the main reasons why couples eventually stop having sex. It is especially damaging to the female body and sexual psyche.
Lack of knowledge of how the female body operates,
lack of emotional connection and excessive stimulation of the genitals leave a
woman feeling used and unloved. The body begins to lose its capacity to feel.
Eventually, women require harder, faster and more intense stimulation like
vibrators in order to feel pleasure.
The idea that women do not desire sex as much as men
do is a sad myth. Women simply aren’t having the amazing sex worth craving.
When a woman is being made love to the way her body and heart have been
designed for, she blossoms as a highly aroused orgasmic woman.
It is time to step out of conventional sex into the
world of conscious pleasurable sex!
Namaste 🤍
Aviv
Check out my morning ritual: https://mynameisaviv.blogspot.com/2019/12/my-morning-riutal.html
How to minimize the look of stretch marks: https://mynameisaviv.blogspot.com/2020/01/how-to-minimize-look-of-stretch-marks.html
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Aviv
For more articles:
You can check also the post about yoga and sex.
How to minimize the look of stretch marks: https://mynameisaviv.blogspot.com/2020/01/how-to-minimize-look-of-stretch-marks.html
My daily wellness routine: https://mynameisaviv.blogspot.com/2019/12/daily-wellness-routine.html
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