Your Love Language

If I had to pick a triumvirate of books for couples, "The 5 Love Languages" is one of the chosen.

In The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman offers a tremendous tool toward creating secure attachment. One of my clients said it was "the missing piece" he needed to work on his marriage.

There are two main points that stood out for me:

You each have a love language that when met fills your "emotional love tank." When your partner is showing love -- in his or her love language -- and not YOUR love language, your tank doesn't fill, and you feel unloved. Chapman describes it as speaking a foreign language - of course we don't get it.

The five languages are words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch (includes sex, but also much more). When you figure out our own love language, and your partner figures out hers, you begin to give in the way that makes each one feel most loved. We figuratively learn Chinese.

Loving each other in the "right" language won't solve all of your problems, but having your "love tank" full will make it a heck of a lot easier to work on those problems with love, compassion, openness, curiosity, and motivation.

Chapman has several books, so be sure to start with this title.

You can take the online 5 Love Languages quiz, I think the questions might seem lame, but the results aren't!

The description of the 5 languages:

Acts of Service

Can helping with homework really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most wants to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. When others serve you out of love (and not obligation), you feel truly valued and loved.

Quality Time

In Quality Time, nothing says “I love you” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes you feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Whether itʼs spending uninterrupted time talking with someone else or doing activities together, you deepen your connection with others through sharing time.

Physical Touch

A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, and thoughtful touches on the arm—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Appropriate and timely touches communicate warmth, safety, and love to you.

Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important— hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. You thrive on hearing kind and encouraging words that build you up.

Receiving Gifts

Two main points stoodTwo main points stoodDon’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are heartfelt symbols to you of someone else's love and affection for you.

 🤍Namaste

Aviv

:For more articles

: Reasons You Can’t Hear Your Intuition
https://mynameisaviv.blogspot.com/2020/01/5-reasons-you-cant-hear-your-intuition.html


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